Since most of you who follow my posts are also great friends or family, you are aware of my most recent heartbreak. I'd like to say I have weathered the last four weeks (can't believe how quickly that went by in hindsight) with mercy and some grace. Let's just say when a southern girl who learned to keep her feelings to herself reaches a certain point, she is like those pressure cookers I use to use in the 70s for cooking... bound to explode in anger.
I'll be forever indebted to my friend Lou Anne who witnessed the "ugly cry" and patiently listened as I unloaded all the pain that was causing some pretty heavy duty headaches for a few days. We've been friends for quite a few years now and have learned to be real and authentic with each other. I'm not sure she was ready for what she witnessed that day but God gave her the right words and the compassion to really be there for me. Thanks Lou Anne!
When the words "sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do" came out of her mouth, I took note! My daughter had texted me those same words that week. Sometimes we just need to pay attention. Well, what IS a person to do when their heart is broken and the dominos just seem to keep falling and you don't know when the noisy chatter in your head or your heart will stop?
This is my answer, simple and to the point and it came from two women who love me. "You do what you gotta do." First, you just get up in the morning and ask God to help you put one foot in front of the other. As I was driving in my car today, I heard a song on K-Love that resonated with everything I've been feeling. The female singer was singing my life. Some days, just crying out to God to help you breathe is what you gotta do.
If you've ever lost a friend, loved one or even a job that your world seemed to revolve around, you can understand my emotions of the last month. Who hasn't rewound the tape a million times to consider every wrong move you may have made and raged inside about the wrong moves of the other party if something ended badly? Just look at the word LOSS and see the huge hole in the middle of your heart screaming to be filled.
Well, back to my answer... from someone who's experienced loss more than I'd like to admit. But there are words that have been coming to my mind.
"Out of the ashes we rise"
"Do What you Gotta Do"
So I asked myself...."What is it you "gotta do?"
And I answered myself.
"You gotta be who you are... who God made you to be." And then I turned up the volume in my heart and listened to hear what it is I am made of and what I like to do. I'm one unique female and I gotta start loving every fiber of who God made me to be in this world.
Tonight I was standing in front of a really yummy creation I made myself for dinner. It came to me that I was really happy with what I saw in front of me. I realized how much pleasure I get from creating something special in the kitchen. Now, I certainly prefer meals shared with others but tonight God opened my eyes to appreciate something about myself that brings me joy. I'm gonna do what I gotta do. I'm going to be ME.
God can even use Pinterest to show us how special we are!
Now, I gotta do what I gotta do... I need to try my creation.. I'll let you know how it turned out!