From singing Good morning to You at circle time to sleepy time lullabies...
From being a slip of a girl whom the boys had called “toothpick” to a woman round with child in the memorable red and white maternity shirt...
From lesson plans to lessons in letting go of planned days....
From reading resource books to learning to be resourceful....
From watching little ones play house and dress up to keeping house and dressing my dark haired girl in her white winter sack...
From understanding the importance of transition times for five year olds to the transition of a lifetime...
From having a heart for children to having a child steal my heart for eternity...
From watching the mystery of learning take place to feeling the mystery of another life grow inside me...
From designing bulletin boards from creations made with small hands to holding in my own hands a most beautiful creation loaned to me from the Designer of all things...
With a year of teaching kindergarten under my belt and a past filled with plenty of babysitting experience, one might think I had a toolbox filled with ideas for parenting the pint sized, petite and ebony-eyed girl that entered my world two weeks before my due date in November of 1976.
The attention she gained in the nursery, having the darkest hair and eyelashes of any baby in the nursery, made my heart swell with pride. It was as if I'd suddenly made a worthy contribution to the world and others were taking notice. Like a bulletin board flashing with neon lights, my face surely said, “That one is mine! She belongs to me!”
She came ahead of time, painting not finished and daddy returning home to complete the nursery. The December 3rd due date was a long way off and I was still reciting the days of the week and months of the year each day with five year olds as I made a mental countdown of the days remaining until my little one would arrive. A false alarm on the 17th, and back to work I go. God's plan was so perfect I was able to finish the last day before my leave of absence began on November 19th.
To say I was unprepared would be an understatement. Not only were there last minute preparations for baby that were incomplete, my heart could never have been prepared for the impact of bringing a child into the world.
I can still remember the first bottle I slipped between those tiny lips. A very real fear of all the unknowns of child rearing rose in my heart at that very moment. A fear even greater than the day I watched a line of anxious parents line up outside my very first classroom door. I was suddenly aware of the acute responsibility of motherhood.
My son reminded me recently of my warnings to he and his sister when they were small and a pound cake was in the oven. “We won't be jumping up and down while the cake is in the oven. Don't stomp and don't jump while the cake is baking or it will FALL!” There's really nothing to compare with the nine months a mother shelters the life of another living creation of God in the womb. One can feel as tenuous as one balancing a dozen eggs on one hand. It's even more awe inspiring when you hear the first cry of your newborn or hold that warm bundle near your heart for the first time.
At these moments one feels a bit desperate realizing there will be no manual guaranteeing success as this journey unfolds. In Desperation Dinners, a cookbook written for frantic families, a subtitle reads....”THIS BOOK CAN TRANSFORM YOU INTO A 20 MINUTE COOK.” Oh how I would have paid a good sum of money to purchase the recipe to make me over into a 20 minute Mom. Like a recipe for a Desperation Dinner, I would one day need a Desperation Decision when my beautiful dark haired girl locked me out of the house at age two while a pot of soup spewed and spit from a pot on the stove.
A day would come in her teens when she'd need me to wash her hair and help her dress as I once had when a mysterious illness left her with the inability to move her arm. Disappointments, discouragement, heartbreaks and differences between us would come, leaving me frantic for answers and feeling helpless. As a teacher, I'd learned to mix tempera paint to get just the right texture and baby formula came easy after a time. The combination necessary for parenting, however, is much more tricky. There are surprises, like early births, that make their way into your relationship with your children. Like any cook knows, sometimes the bread doesn't rise or the pot boils over and all can seem ruined in an instant.
Even the best cook with a well written recipe and the most experienced teacher with the most organized lesson plans can experience failure. Cakes fall and the best laid plans of teachers and moms can leave one feeling less than successful. As I grew in experience as a teacher and a mom, I learned it was important to have a plan. I also learned to hold those plans loosely and be ready to let go of any preconceived ideas I might have about what my day might hold.
My daughter is about to celebrate her birthday. She is a young woman now with children of her own. She will be spending her birthday moving into a brand new home. Surely the stresses of moving and the unknowns have come to overwhelm.
My heart as her mother is to encourage her to have a plan but hold it loosely as she watches for the God moments in the days ahead. I want to remind her of the way she has come and the One who has been lighting the path since the day she drew her first breath.
I look over my shoulder and see her...
in her pink bunny suit and remind her of her softness and gentle nature
with a garland of silver on her dark hair and remind her of the angels that attend her daily
with a birthday cake for Jesus and remind her of His faithfulness and her faithfulness to Him
twirling a golden flag in the high school band and remind her His banner over her is love
poised for a picture as she models shoes and remind her she wears the gospel shoes of peace
with her husband, hands clasped and heads reared back in laughter and remind her of joy-filled days
The day Kelly Denise Hilton was born, I felt very unprepared for the task that lay ahead of me. The physical surroundings were not prepared, the nursery unfinished. My heart felt the fear of being inadequate for the challenges of motherhood. But somehow it seems the miracle of faith had grown right alongside this life within my womb.
The Bible says our faith is activated and energized through love. (Galatians 5:6) The love I felt the day I gave birth to my children has served to energize me to walk through every desperate, discouraging and difficult time. I'm confident my Kelly will also find the faith to transition to her new home and walk through this next season of her life.
When I brought Kelly home from the hospital 35 years ago, I don't have a recollection of how the nursery looked or whether we'd finished all our plans for the room she would occupy in our home. I do remember the sweet sounds she made and the way she twisted and turned in her sleepers. I remember the scent of baby lotion and shampoo and the way her soft black hair felt when I touched my lips to her tiny head. I remember lullabies at 3 am as the moon beamed its light into the nursery window and a myriad serendipitous moments of joy. My birthday wish to Kelly is a year filled with unplanned, serendipitous God moments that will keep her feet on the path of faith and many years from now come again to warm her heart as it has mine in sharing.
Happy Birthday to My Beautiful Girl Kelly!
From mixing paints to whipping up baby formula...
From singing Good morning to You at circle time to sleepy time lullabies...
From being a slip of a girl whom the boys had called “toothpick” to a woman round with child in the memorable red and white maternity shirt...
From lesson plans to lessons in letting go of planned days....
From reading resource books to learning to be resourceful....
From watching little ones play house and dress up to keeping house and dressing my dark haired girl in her white winter sack...
From understanding the importance of transition times for five year olds to the transition of a lifetime...
From having a heart for children to having a child steal my heart for eternity...
From watching the mystery of learning take place to feeling the mystery of another life grow inside me...
From designing bulletin boards from creations made with small hands to holding in my own hands a most beautiful creation loaned to me from the Designer of all things...
With a year of teaching kindergarten under my belt and a past filled with plenty of babysitting experience, one might think I had a toolbox filled with ideas for parenting the pint sized, petite and ebony-eyed girl that entered my world two weeks before my due date in November of 1976.
The attention she gained in the nursery, having the darkest hair and eyelashes of any baby in the nursery, made my heart swell with pride. It was as if I'd suddenly made a worthy contribution to the world and others were taking notice. Like a bulletin board flashing with neon lights, my face surely said, “That one is mine! She belongs to me!”
She came ahead of time, painting not finished and daddy returning home to complete the nursery. The December 3rd due date was a long way off and I was still reciting the days of the week and months of the year each day with five year olds as I made a mental countdown of the days remaining until my little one would arrive. A false alarm on the 17th, and back to work I go. God's plan was so perfect I was able to finish the last day before my leave of absence began on November 19th.
To say I was unprepared would be an understatement. Not only were there last minute preparations for baby that were incomplete, my heart could never have been prepared for the impact of bringing a child into the world.
I can still remember the first bottle I slipped between those tiny lips. A very real fear of all the unknowns of child rearing rose in my heart at that very moment. A fear even greater than the day I watched a line of anxious parents line up outside my very first classroom door. I was suddenly aware of the acute responsibility of motherhood.
My son reminded me recently of my warnings to he and his sister when they were small and a pound cake was in the oven. “We won't be jumping up and down while the cake is in the oven. Don't stomp and don't jump while the cake is baking or it will FALL!” There's really nothing to compare with the nine months a mother shelters the life of another living creation of God in the womb. One can feel as tenuous as one balancing a dozen eggs on one hand. It's even more awe inspiring when you hear the first cry of your newborn or hold that warm bundle near your heart for the first time.
At these moments one feels a bit desperate realizing there will be no manual guaranteeing success as this journey unfolds. In Desperation Dinners, a cookbook written for frantic families, a subtitle reads....”THIS BOOK CAN TRANSFORM YOU INTO A 20 MINUTE COOK.” Oh how I would have paid a good sum of money to purchase the recipe to make me over into a 20 minute Mom. Like a recipe for a Desperation Dinner, I would one day need a Desperation Decision when my beautiful dark haired girl locked me out of the house at age two while a pot of soup spewed and spit from a pot on the stove.
A day would come in her teens when she'd need me to wash her hair and help her dress as I once had when a mysterious illness left her with the inability to move her arm. Disappointments, discouragement, heartbreaks and differences between us would come, leaving me frantic for answers and feeling helpless. As a teacher, I'd learned to mix tempera paint to get just the right texture and baby formula came easy after a time. The combination necessary for parenting, however, is much more tricky. There are surprises, like early births, that make their way into your relationship with your children. Like any cook knows, sometimes the bread doesn't rise or the pot boils over and all can seem ruined in an instant.
Even the best cook with a well written recipe and the most experienced teacher with the most organized lesson plans can experience failure. Cakes fall and the best laid plans of teachers and moms can leave one feeling less than successful. As I grew in experience as a teacher and a mom, I learned it was important to have a plan. I also learned to hold those plans loosely and be ready to let go of any preconceived ideas I might have about what my day might hold.
My daughter is about to celebrate her birthday. She is a young woman now with children of her own. She will be spending her birthday moving into a brand new home. Surely the stresses of moving and the unknowns have come to overwhelm.
My heart as her mother is to encourage her to have a plan but hold it loosely as she watches for the God moments in the days ahead. I want to remind her of the way she has come and the One who has been lighting the path since the day she drew her first breath.
I look over my shoulder and see her...
in her pink bunny suit and remind her of her softness and gentle nature
with a garland of silver on her dark hair and remind her of the angels that attend her daily
with a birthday cake for Jesus and remind her of His faithfulness and her faithfulness to Him
twirling a golden flag in the high school band and remind her His banner over her is love
poised for a picture as she models shoes and remind her she wears the gospel shoes of peace
with her husband, hands clasped and heads reared back in laughter and remind her of joy-filled days
The day Kelly Denise Hilton was born, I felt very unprepared for the task that lay ahead of me. The physical surroundings were not prepared, the nursery unfinished. My heart felt the fear of being inadequate for the challenges of motherhood. But somehow it seems the miracle of faith had grown right alongside this life within my womb.
The Bible says our faith is activated and energized through love. (Galatians 5:6) The love I felt the day I gave birth to my children has served to energize me to walk through every desperate, discouraging and difficult time. I'm confident my Kelly will also find the faith to transition to her new home and walk through this next season of her life.
When I brought Kelly home from the hospital 35 years ago, I don't have a recollection of how the nursery looked or whether we'd finished all our plans for the room she would occupy in our home. I do remember the sweet sounds she made and the way she twisted and turned in her sleepers. I remember the scent of baby lotion and shampoo and the way her soft black hair felt when I touched my lips to her tiny head. I remember lullabies at 3 am as the moon beamed its light into the nursery window and a myriad serendipitous moments of joy. My birthday wish to Kelly is a year filled with unplanned, serendipitous God moments that will keep her feet on the path of faith and many years from now come again to warm her heart as it has mine in sharing.
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